Hmmm, Marriage

lovelightsSo the day has officially come.  I am the only one of my tiny group of friends who is not married.  Well, the last friend is not married yet, just engaged, but still, I’m not there – not even close.  I was waiting for the twinge of sadness, longing, jealousy – something, but thank God they didn’t knock me down or run me over.  It does hurt my heart that I probably won’t be able to play a larger part in one of my oldest friend’s ceremony, but that’s just life right now.I know my friend, and I know that when we were in school, she had her whole ceremony mapped out.  She has been longing for the day for such a long time and after being stalled by more than one joker, the day has finally come.  She said that he noticed how decisive she was, and I said to her – that’s because you’ve known what you’ve wanted for so long.  She sent a picture of the bridesmaids dress to my sister, and I said – it’s a purple dress inst it?  And it was! And I can only marvel at how true she has remained to herself.  I too had my whole wedding planned out.  I remember ditching my literature homework and writing out everything I wanted.  Perhaps I was 19 or 20 and totally pre MS.  I still have that little book,  and if I manage to look at those pages, I marvel again.  Who was that person and does she have any idea how tiring it would be to do even 1/2 of that unnecessary stuff.??

If I could meet 20 year old me, I would tell her – worry  much more about your marriage, and a lot less about a wedding ceremony.  Weddings are for a few hours.  It is important that your marriage lasts longer than that :-).

My current life is so complicated, I know it would take a very special man to walk into it – to choose to have MS with me, which is one of the reasons I’m not…tripping.   I want a husband, I want to be my husband’s wife.  I don’t just want to be married, for the longest time I did not realize they were two different things.   Being single isn’t the easiest thing, but being married to the wrong person is much harder.  Soul crushing actually. I do not want that.  I could not live with that misery.  Marriage can be difficult enough with two healthy people.   I’ll wait.

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2 thoughts on “Hmmm, Marriage

  1. I remember when I was single, it wasn’t easy but I prayed that God woukd make me content with being single. Instead of always asking you about being married. Then one day it happen, I was completely happy with being single. I actually had a life to do things, go places enjoy life and all it has to offer. I wasnt thinking about marriage.

    After many years of veing content when I did meet thos man we dated. But whenhe mentioned marriage I told him to speak to God first. Because as I stated I was content with being single.

    Come this November 2016 we will be celebrating our eight year Anniversary.

    You hang in there my dear, pray for God to let you be content with being single and enjoy this life, you only get one down here on earth make it count. God bless you and have a good day

    Liked by 1 person

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